Friendship for me is when you can see someone often or it could be a long time in between visits. The important key is how easily the conversation flows and how deep the sharing is allowed to be. With true friendship, you can just be and know that you are loved. I know other people that despite how often I see them I feel like conversations only scratch the surface. They are not willing to take off their public mask and share. That is okay if people treat acquaintances this way. You don’t want to tell everyone you deepest feelings, but you should be able to cut loose with someone or it is not true friendship in my way of thinking. I know I talk a lot of being positive, but it is important to be able to talk about life as you perceive it and still hope for something better. A person needs to be able to talk to others about their feelings.
Talking about your feelings can be therapeutic and productive. What is not productive is complaining without any intention of making changes. Some people have friendships based on complaining, but this is not true friendship to me. I don’t want someone to roll around in the mud with me when I am feeling low. I want my friends to shine like a beacon of light and help me remember to stand up from the mud. I also want to be that light for others. Complaining is not all bad. We can complain when it is a step toward having something adjusted. Anger can be a healthy emotion when channeled to make positive changes. Sometimes, we need to talk to friends to help us sort out of feelings on a subject or event. According to Eckhart Tolle, when we want to make someone wrong or make it personal for what we are complaining about that is when it is the ego strengthening the ego. We have all been there, but the more you are aware of it, the more you can nip the ego in the bud.
When we can stay out the of the ego (at least… for longer periods of time), we can more easily appreciate life. True friendship is abundance. I shared a delicious dinner last night with a friend. I was so grateful for the restaurant’s plentiful options. Those abundant choices alone made my heart sing. I am grateful for making the time to share a meal with my wonderful friend. I was grateful for the clean and beautiful decor of the restaurant. Abundance does not have to mean having a lot of money, but appreciating the miraculous nature of life. Dinner with my friend was life affirming because being in my friend’s presence helped me to stay in a place of gratitude and abundance. She is a beacon of light and helps me to strengthen my own inner light. Our friendship also allowed me to express some unprocessed feelings in a space of non-judgment. I pray that all people can have such fulfilling friendships. How do you like to spend time with your friends?
Eva Borho, M.A., L.M.T., Intuitive Author, Spiritual Teacher, Holy Fire Reiki Master